One day you are walking along the deck of the ship when you hear a loud bang. You start to run as you see smoke coming from the far end of the ship. You run towards the room where your patients are waiting to receive treatment from the doctor. Just as you arrive at the door to their room you hear another loud bang and you… 8-10 sentences
I take a breath now and I take another one. I run towards the other patients room. While I am running I here another bang. I walk into the room quietly and softly. I looked around but I don’t see anyone. I say to myself they are dead. As I walk out of the room I hear another bang near me. I run as fast as I could to the other patients room trying to get me there as safe as I could, then bang I hear. I walk in there sweetly and calmly. I look towards to the bed I never believed my eyes. I caught them dying in the bed never knowing how. As I am about to turn around to walk out the door I hear a noise near me. I turn around not even a inch BANG the gun went towards me. It was the end of my life I could not believe this happened to me. The end
Hey there Anitimoni, thanks for completing this story about the nurse on board the medical ship. It was upsetting to read that she was murdered at the end of the story. I like the way you have described how she enters the room calmly and quietly in attempt to stay hidden, checking on her patients. It's impressive that she is still trying to do her job even though they're under attack. I also like how you've described her breathing. Your punctuation is very accurate in your writing too. Perhaps next time you could try using a comma or two.
ReplyDeleteGreat job, you must write stories often.
Billy